Fashion Friday: How to Work Your Fat Clothes Like a Boss

Raise your hand if you're a broke betch! If you're like me, you spend most of your money on protein, kitty litter, and paying the bookies down at the race track. That makes your wardrobe budget very limited, especially when you are losing weight and everything you own looks like the Ringling Brothers could host their next show in it. If you are one step away from wearing your finest burlap sack to dinner, look no further. I have a few tips that will help you go from looking like less like Charlize Theron in Monster, and more like Charlize Theron in her Dior ads.

Less of this--------  more of this.

Rule #1- Put on a belt
Do you want people to ask you when your due date is? NO. NO, YOU DO NOT! Look less like you are eating for two and more like you've been drinking for three... Wait, what? Sorry, Lindsay Lohan possessed me there for a minute. Anyway, take that frumpy old dress you have and throw a belt on it. It will make you look like you actually have a body beneath all of that fabric.

Remember my old bridesmaid dress from my first WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY? I was quite the chunky monkey when I bought this thing, but I don't want to get rid of it for sentimental reasons. Rather than letting this dress hang off of me like like an old pair of drapes, I just put a really wide elastic belt around it to hold in some of the extra fabric.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: These belts always go around your waist. I will pimp slap the first girl I see that wears this type of belt around her hips. Save yourself the embarrassment, and save me the assault charges. I'm begging you. The world is begging you. End this madness!

Click HERE for tutorials on how to do all of these cool belt things. I'm a simple girl with an abnormally small waist, so I have to buy the elastic belts to fit me. Unfortunately, you cant do anything cool like this with them. Oh well. At least I still have my health. *Runs off sobbing at the sight of everyone's awesome belt knots.

Rule #2-- Make it sexy

I have a plethora of shirts that are just too big to wear anymore. The collars are too wide, the sleeves are too wide, the whole shabang. Of course I could always take them to the tailor and have them altered, but dude, you're on a budget blog for the broke ass 20-something, so I have something more affordable in mind. 

Oh hey, handsome. Did my shoulder catch your attention? *Bats eyes.  

Good, that means you didn't notice this shirt is actually a double XL and I bought it in 6th grade. 

The shirt I have on in this pic is made of that stretchy rayon material, so I didn't have to tweak it too much to make it asymmetrical. It's hard to tell in the pic because it is black on black, but I have a lot of extra material at the bottom of this top as well, so I put on some leggings with it, and BAM! Going out attire is complete. Throw on some bright colored high heels, or your finest Doc Martin's if you can't stop living in 1995 and you are ready for a night out on the town. 

Rule #3- Layering is never a bad thing

"But Bridget, this body looks so good I don't want to hide it!" Girl, sit your hot tail down. You can't just wear a racer back tank top to your job... at the convent. I know from my own experience, when I got past the 20lbs lost mark, I didn't have anything that actually fit me besides tank tops. Rather than throw on a hoodie or a giant t-shirt, why not just wear your tank top with a jacket? At least then you will look like you actually tried to make yourself presentable. 

Once again, I'm wearing leggings. While I was saving up to buy a new wardrobe of skinny clothes, I had no pants that would fit me. It also doesn't help that I have a white girl butt, so I couldn't get my old jeans to stay up. The good thing is that as you lose weight, most of your tops will start to come down longer and cover your booty, making leggings acceptable attire in my book. Here I am wearing a blazer that comes down longer in the back, with my tank top and leggings. In addition to being cute AF, this outfit is also comfortable AF. I wore that blazer with those leggings and a black and white striped shirt to a Cher/Cyndi Lauper concert a couple of weeks ago and all of the gay men there complimented my outfit, so I must have been looking banging. *Hair flip. 

Rule #4- Size doesn't matter as long as you are comfortable with yourself

This is the most important lesson! If you like your jeans so tight that it looks like you have been melted and poured into them, rock it. If you wear your snuggie to the grocery store, that's okay too. As long as you like what you're wearing and you don't care how big or small it makes you look, who cares? I'll give you a hint-- No one cares. This isn't 7th grade anymore, and if anyone has anything negative to say about you wearing your fat clothes, then put a hex on them. My last little tip is for any old button ups that you may have laying around.

I, personally, do not like looking like I am shaped like a jelly bean. All button up tops, when I find one that will actually button, make me look like Rosie O'Donnell. I have found that instead of buttoning these tops up and looking frumpy, it's better to layer them with a tank and add a belt (aka using all of my tips in one outfit because that's how I roll). Leaving the top opened and adding a belt adds the illusion of curves and less of the illusion that you are the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers in your spare time.

And there you go! A few tips to help you get a little more wear out of your "fat clothes" while you are saving up for a new set or trying to lose a few more pounds before going on a shopping spree. I would challenge each of you to send me a tip that you often use to make your large clothes look flattering, but I'm afraid people will start dousing themselves in cold water and that is just uncalled for ;).

I hope this post has been helpful to those of you that are facing the frustrating problem of "I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!"  I hope you all are staying happy and healthy! And as always, I will see you on Monday with some sweet ass coupons/weekly sales!

Xoxo,

--B