How To Be Pretty In An Ugly World

Hey guys,

I've been writing this post in my head over the last few days and I didn't even realize it. This going to make me sound totally schizophrenic, but lines to add into this post have almost been whispered into my mind. Anyway, disregard my mild mental illness, this post is going to be about how to be pretty in an ugly world.

Being a girl is hard. You know what, being a boy is hard too. Being anyone is hard, whether you're a supermodel or just the average Joe. We all have our moments when we don't feel our best. For the last couple of weeks or so, my struggle hasn't been with my physical appearance, but rather more of a struggle with intellectual insecurity. Anyone who knows me knows that I pride myself on my intelligence. I am more than just a 20 something girl who loves cats and wine. I am very driven and if I am given a task to complete, you better believe that I will complete it and I will do the best damn job you have ever seen. 

With my new job duties at work, I have been feeling so stupid. I know that everyone has a learning curve, but I hate not feeling like I am the best at what I am doing. I have been preaching at myself "Bridge, you have to crawl before you walk." It's easy to say that to someone else who is struggling, but when I say it to myself, I find myself asking "OMG you hot mess, are you finished crawling yet? You're making yourself look bad." There is nothing more insulting to me than having someone question my intelligence. I'm no Mensa member, but I do like to think that I have enough sense to get out of the rain. I decided today that I am going to stop beating myself up. I am going to do my best until I learn what I am supposed to do, and then when I get everything down pat, I WILL be the best. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and wanting to cry to make yourself feel better, join me in accepting that you don't know everything and have an open mind to learning new things, as uncomfortable as it may be. Eagerness to learn and determination to succeed is a such pretty thing. 

There is always going to be someone who is faster, smarter, better, or better looking than you. Sometimes, the person with the advantage is you and sometimes, it's someone half your age and still wet behind the ears. Rather than feeling everything is a competition with your peers, why not accept that there are qualities you lack that they possess, and vice versa. Instead of feeling insecure with yourself and the skills others have that you do not, why not work together as a team? Imagine the success you all could have together if you could all just get on the same page and customize tasks to suit the individual person's talents. Realize that you may need to give up control, especially if partnering with someone else will yield the best result. Accepting other people's talents whilst accepting your own shortcomings is also a pretty thing. 

Now you're probably pondering upon your own shortcomings and feeling rather blue. Perhaps your are thinking of a time that your shortcomings caused you to do something that made you unhappy. Girlfriend, stop living in the past. The past is gone. Don't think about it. If you could go back in time and change something, would you? Of course you would. We all would. Maybe we would have changed our major in college, maybe we wouldn't have married our first three husbands, but ask yourself this question-- Would you be who you are today without these experiences and would you be happy? Had I pursued my original dream of going to medical school, would I be happy? Heck no, I wouldn't have. So many of our life choices are pushed on us at such an early age. At age 18, I was bound and determined to one day be a doctor. At age 20, I decided I would rather be a PA. At age 22, I didn't know what the heck was going on with me or my future plans. I'm currently 24 years old and my life aspiration is to be a college professor and teach microbiology one day. We change as we get older. As we get older, we make peace with our past decisions. As we make peace with our past decisions, we begin to accept ourselves. Accepting yourself is a pretty thing. 

But why is everything bad happening to me? Why can I not find happiness in life? Why am I here? Do I even have a purpose? These are some of the questions that have been swirling around in my head for the last few years. It's like that time after college is just a gray area. Where do I go from here? The first 21 years of your life are planned out for you. You go to school, graduate, go to college, graduate, and then what? You are left to find your way in the world and hopefully not end up in the Big Mac assembly line at McDonald's. I may not know who I was yesterday, and I may not know who I'll be tomorrow, but I do know one thing. I'm not going to focus on the things I could, would, or should have done, and instead, I am going to pour my heart and soul into everything that I attempt. Knowing your worth and that you were placed on this planet for a reason is a pretty thing. 

If you're around my age, your biological clock is probably screaming "Your eggs are getting old! Peak fertility age is 27 years old! TICK TOK!" And then you just want to scream back "I want to do me for a while, boo!" And then bam, next thing you know, you're actually trying to plan a time that you would like to have a family by, or you've decided that you're just better off by yourself. Both of these things are okay! Don't think that just because everyone else in your family had a husband and three kids by age 21 that you are abnormal. Many people, like myself, are just plain unsure about starting a family of their own. My relatives aren't too happy about it, but you know what, this is my life and I am in control of it. Make your own choices and don't do anything just because it is "tradition" or because it will make someone other than yourself happy. This is your life. Don't waste a single second doing anything simply because it is expected. Taking control of your life is a very, very pretty thing. 

Lastly, understand that there are different types of people out there. Some of which make choices you may not agree with. Do not shun them! Instead, love them. You don't have to agree with the things they partake in, but no one deserves to be punished for taking control of their life and doing what makes them happy. As long as no one is being hurt, what is the big deal about loving thy brother no matter what? I include myself in this and I am working on bettering myself. Some people may look at me and say "Look at that tree hugging hippie" while I may look at someone else and think "I would hate to be a close minded bigot like them." Let go of all of your preconceived notions, and instead of labeling people as a group you hate, a group you are a part of, or one that you just merely tolerate, why not throw away your grouping system and include every single person in a new group? We can call this group humanity and embrace each other in love. Loving your fellow human being is probably the prettiest thing of all. 

Go out there and give someone a hug. Open up your heart, open up your mind. We all go through the same struggles, only with tiny variables that apply uniquely to our own situations. While you're working to be a better you, I'll be working on being a better me. I'm going to be a kick ass version of myself soon. Just you wait and see. 

Xoxo,

Bridge

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